Slay the beast! SLAY!

Here we are. Tuesday--the day of reckoning. In a few hours, a test. A few hours after that, a presentation.

It's funny, I have no fear for the test and I'm terrified of the presentation, even though I'm really well prepared for the presentation and not so much for the test.

Ever since I was little I've had trouble dealing with these kinds of things. It makes no sense either. I know completely that all my fear and trepidation is internal. I know I know the material. I know I'll probably mess up a little. I can almost predict how the whole thing is going to go.

And yet my mind won't be still. It's rushing over scenarios like a bored channel surfer.

I should be more confident. I should not let my fears control me. I should use them to my advantage. I am in control.

When you shut down the internal machine, everything is so clear. The world simply IS. Everything that you thought becomes just memory. The trick is to not focus on that memory. The trick is to recognize that this is now and this is really happening and you are completely in control of everything you do.

Now, if I could just believe that.

The British are coming!

Instead of rambling or posting some personal vignette today, I'll post some music. I have a great affinity for British bands and one of the bands that stands out to me the most from this genre is Wigan's The Verve.

They evidently broke up again after the release of their fourth album Forth. Personally, I loved about half of the music and could do with the other half (mostly the poppy stuff). The Verve were always a band that succeeded best when every member contributed equally. Their jam-oriented songs allowed every member to showcase their abilities. The music is often mid-tempo and fluid with the songs developing slowly and organically. These were people meant to play together.

Needless to say, I was bothered when I found out we wouldn't be getting any new music.

And then I discovered the B-sides.

Quite ironically, The Verve's B-sides are vastly superior to some of the songs that they ended up putting on their final albums. For your listening pleasure--I've posted links to a couple of obscure b-sides that got my ire up and reminded me why I'm such a fan of this band.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-suq_XD_lI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzsXsxAcy_A

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7Y69sot9zc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avD58sht-90&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXJcDuXTIrE&feature=related

Return

So here we go. Two solid weeks of effort. Two midterms. A presentation. Readings. Another paper. More readings. And then I can go home again.


As you can imagine, I'm most bothered by the presentation. Just the very thought of it fills my consciousness with uncertain anticipation. I think of home and the tranquility of the backwood, the gentle thicket and I am comforted that at the end of two weeks time I will yet again sally forth homewards to be comforted by the kind warmth of home and hearth.

My dog will be waiting with patient smiles and a steady pant of joy. I will pet his stomach and under his chin and he will shake his leg and go stiff in ecstasy. Dinner will be warm and aromatic and there will be many great stories to tell and many great times to be had. And all will be good.

On this lonely, ill-feeling night, the only comfort I find is in the promise of my return.

Exegesis

Dropped Dad off at the Enterprise in North NSB this afternoon and was overcome by feelings of fetid nostalgia.

For a brief period, I sold my services to the Enterprise Holdings Corporation in exchange for my "excellent interpersonal customer service skills" and my "ability to operate a motor vehicle according to the standards of traffic law" and my "ability to follow written directions."

For the most part though, I was asked to clean the thin veneer of grease from all the flat surfaces within the vehicles; to scrape and scrub the mutilated bug carcasses from the grills and nooks and folds of the front of the vehicles; to remove all garbage and clean all glass, inside and out; to vacuum and spray down upholstery, carpets; to remove stains and undesirable smells. To undo the intentional, often inhuman damage caused by the multitude of human bodies who, for a brief period, exercised complete control over something that was not their own.

But so Dad left for Maryland in a Hyundai Sonata and Mom and I went shopping for some essentials for my dorm experience.

I return home tomorrow to two weeks of solid work and I'm fairly certain this cold has returned and settled in my lungs this time. Joyous life!

Home

This is my first attempt at this. I can promise no great effort, given that I've spent the vast majority of the day strapped within the confines of a small metal box, traveling at 80+mph across one of the state's many concrete scars. Alas, it is the second weekend and time to return to the bosom of my youth, sweet Atlantic breeze and gentle, swirling evening. Also, it was time to do my laundry.

As an afterthought, it occured to me whilst controlling my hurtling box this afternoon, that the posted speed limits are in fact misleading--it would seem that anyone fool enough to try and drive 65 through Altamonte Springs would be quickly run into the median and killed. Maybe they should change it to 65 minimum speed. I tried obeying the speed limit but soon found I was impeding the flow of traffic for a substantial portion of the view behind me.


And another thing, concerning that view--there were a few times I crested off ramps and looked into the distance to see rain. Only, when I got there--it was nothing but smog.

When I arrived home at last, I felt ill.